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Everyone has questions about mentoring. What is the best way to mentor? How does mentoring work? What are the best methods? And the list goes on.
The truth is there are no answers to these questions. There is no set method or 7 step plan that will make you have a powerful mentoring relationship… because mentoring is just that…a relationship.
The only way to have a successful relationship is to make sure you two have all five of these characteristics mixed in your relationship
- Chemistry - The mentor and the student must have chemistry. They must get along. You can't really explain chemistry; it is just something you feel with the other person. You can tell when two people have good chemistry because everything clicks, and the two people feel it's fun and easy to be around each other. A mentoring relationship will not last without good chemistry. There is no way to know if the two of you have chemistry until you actually get to spend time together. After the first few meetings, if the chemistry's not there, don't force it. Move on and look for a new mentor or student.
- Respect - There must be mutual respect from each person. You don't have to respect everything about the person, but the student definitely needs to respect the mentor in the area they are asking to be mentored. The student needs to remember that no person is perfect, and everyone has weaknesses and difficulties. Don't expect your mentor to be perfect. A good student may recognize a weakness in one mentor and should then find another mentor who is strong in that particular area.
- Honesty - There needs to be a high level of honesty between the two people. Mentoring is a relationship. Great relationships thrive when each person is honest with the other person. How is a mentor supposed to help the student if the mentor doesn't truly know the student? And how is the student supposed to believe the mentor if the mentor is not honest with the student? Open and honest communication can really develop a strong mentoring relationship.
- Success - The student needs to make sure the mentor has success in the area they are asking the mentor to help them in. That's the difference between a coach, a teacher and a mentor…the mentor's actually done it and experienced it. Yes, someone can be a teacher and a mentor, but the only way a teacher can be a mentor is if they have success or experience in the particular area in which they are helping others.
- Right Timing - Make sure the mentor has the time to spend with the student. There needs to be enough time to get to know each other, whether it's eye to eye or over the phone. I prefer building the relationship in person. One way I like to mentor others is through running. I invite students to run with me. This isolates us and allows us time to talk, get questions answered, and get to know each other better. This also helps the mentor figure out who is serious and who is not. Inviting someone to do something that requires effort (like running) really shows me who I should invest my time in. If they can't run due to physical issues, they can always ride a bike. One major thing many people over look is this: you cannot mentor someone who doesn't want to be mentored. Give that person time and space with hope that they will eventually come around and be ready to receive mentoring.
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